My Apple Tablet Predictions

A couple weeks ago I lambasted the tech blogging press for postulating a litany of crackpot theories on the strategies behind several CES reveals. With Vegas now behind us, all attention is, as predicted, pointed squarely at Apple's upcoming January 27th product announcement. These predictions are no-less scattershot than the drivel that poured out of CES.

So, feeling as if I have to put my money where my mouth is, I've decided to take a stab at sifting through all of the rumors to make my own concrete predictions about what will happen next week. Yes, I'm absolutely doing this for the hope of screaming "told you so!"

Without further ado...

The Basics

Let's just nail these down: 10.1" LED LCD display with an oleophobic capacitive touch screen, similar plastics to the iPhone, Cocoa Touch OS—reminiscent of the iPhone OS with an icon "launcher," WiFi and 3G built in, 12-ish hours of use on a charge (but no removable battery), two USB ports, headphone jack, volume controls and one big button.

Also: Built-in iSight, Safari, Mail.app, iCal, syncs with iTunes, very, very thin and weighs about 2 lbs. Done.

The Name: iPad

Hands down, iPad. 

I work in advertising. Branding is everything. Apple gets this better than probably any consumer electronics manufacturer. When they shifted from "PowerBook" and "iBook," to "Mac Book" and "Mac Book Pro", I, like many Apple aficionados, felt as if the entire marketing department had fallen down the stupid tree and hit every branch. But what Apple was doing was genius—consumers need simple. Mac Book says it all—It's a Mac Notebook. Just like iMac and Mac Pro, it's stupidly simple. iPhone, iLife, iWork... all of these names are short, monosyllabic terms that convey the purpose of the device in the most basic terms possible. Yes, iPod is the odd man out, but the brevity argument still holds true.

Why not iTablet? Too long. Why not iSlate? It sounds heavy, burdensome and like something stone-age men would carve into with rocks. It's iPad all the way, even if this will undoubtedly cause problems distinguishing whether you're talking about your tablet or music player in south Boston.

The Core Idea: Print is Dead

The iMac wasn't just a multi-colored mac, it was an idea about how to make a paradigm shift in the way consumers see personal computers. The iPod wasn't just a hard disk jukebox—those already existed—it was a vision about  how to change the way people purchased and listened to music. The iPhone wasn't about building a smartphone, it was a vision for the future of mobile communication.

Similarly, the iSlate/iPad/iTablet isn't going to just be a big, flattened iTouch. It's going to have a core purpose—a vision on how it revolutionizes a part of life into the digital hub. That core idea is going to be print.

Anything printed: Magazines, textbooks, comic books, letters, photos, notebooks, paper. This is the target that Apple wants to replace with their new technology. Yes, because it'll almost certainly run a derivative of the iPhone OS (at the very least Cocoa Touch), it will play games and run iPhone style apps. The bulk of the media event, however, is going to be about a new digital print SDK, for developing formerly-printed media in the digital space. A barrage of major publication types are going to be announced as well—expect Marvel comics, The New York Times, Sports Illustrated and a major book publisher to all make appearances on stage.

Wireless Carrier: AT&T and Verizon

This is so obvious it hurts. There have been numerous leaks about tablet prototypes containing a Qualcomm CDMA chip, destining it to Verizon in the US. At the same time, there is no way in hell Apple is going to release a device that requires its nearly 10 million strong domestic iPhone installed base to sign up for a second wireless carrier. Sure, there's a Qualcomm chip, and you'll be able to get it for Verizon. You'll also be able to get it for AT&T with a GSM radio, too. Maybe even T-Mobile. 

The first time around, with the iPhone, carriers were taking a risk letting Apple set all the rules for a device. Verizon balked, AT&T said yes, but only with a guarantee of exclusivity and with a lot of restrictions (like third-party software development) that Apple has whittled down over time. This time around, nobody is going to question Apple's success, which means no exclusivity deals—if you want it, you're going to play by Apple's rules, and Apple wants as many potential subscribers as possible.

Price Point: $599 subsidized, $999 without a contract

We've heard a wide swath of rumors about the price point of the device, but they all largely fall into the $600-$1000 range. Why? Let's do some math.

A basic 16GB iPhone 3GS costs $599 without a contract. With a contract, it's $199. The difference is $400.

The high end cost estimate of the Apple Tablet, based on the rumors, is $1000. The low end seems to be $600. The difference is $400.

This is not a coincidence. There's an established precedent of how much subsidy the wireless providers will kick up to Apple for the two-year contract guarantee on an unlimited data plan. This case is closed.

Input Device: Still your hands, but in amazing new ways.

Steve Jobs hates the stylus. He's made it abundantly clear he thinks they are an antiquated way to handle input with a touch screen. And Apple is not a "design by comittee" organization—it's design by Steve, period. So there won't be a stylus. Sorry, stylus fans (all three of you).

However, what good is a "pad" if you can't write on it? Handwriting and print go hand-in-hand, so how is this going to work out? When these patent filings popped up it was clear what the answer was.

The iPad will tell you're trying to write when you ball up your fist as if you had a pen in it and lay it on the screen. True story. And why the hell not? Handwriting recognition has never been high enough resolution on a touch screen to really simulate a pen and paper, so why bother trying to recreate the precision of a pen? This solution, like multi-touch interactions, will not come naturally the first time you pick up the device, but users are going to grow to love it. Mark my words, virtual pen input is going to be as common as pinch-and-pull multi-touch in the coming years, and Apple is going to be the pioneer in about a week.

Also expect some wicked multi-touch shit with all the extra screen space, like spread your two open palms to the sides of the device to go back to the main menu, gestures for copy and paste, etc.

Target Audience: Colleges, Families

All of this stuff you are hearing about classrooms and families sharing the device is absolutely spot on. Apple is a consumer product manufacturer. They're not looking to make the world's best executive notebook and DayRunner, they're looking to crush the Kindle. Don't expect a lot of productivity applications—although I do expect a touch-enabled version of iWork to show up here for students and general home-based productivity. This isn't targeted for the workplace, it's aimed squarely at students, people sending emails from their couch, and for those long trips to the bathroom when you read the latest issue of Sports Illustrated.

Launch Date: Late March, early April (but  probably sliding into late May/June for you, due to demand)

They're likely going to have this thing on shelves very, very soon. There are undoubtedly a lot of content deals to ink before the retail roll-out so it's not going to be available immediately, but they won't allow it to fester for long. To meet a near-term date, however, supplies are going to be limited and like any first-gen, completely-new device, it's going to have manufacturing problems that keep availability low until the supply lines can fully ramp up. This means early adopters (e.g., those who plop down their credit cards right after the presentation) will get them soon, but those who dally will be waiting, frustrated. This is okay, however, because you'll be able to find your geeky friend who has one and bug the shit out of them asking to use it.

One More Thing: Verizon iPhone

AT&T's iPhone exclusivity is up this year, and although they've made some desperate plays to squeeze a renewal of this deal out of Cupertino, there hasn't even been the slightest leak of evidence that effort is bearing fruit. Apple has saturated the user base of people who will tolerate switching to AT&T's busted network, and they know they can grow their market share by a ton just putting this thing on Verizon's shelves. Despite the fact that Verizon has made some pretty public marketing efforts bashing the iPhone, the deal is too sweet for both parties for any bad blood to remain, and with the undoubted negotiations that have been happening over the tablet, it only makes sense that they tied up this loose end in the process. Expect it in June or July, the same time the original device was announced.

Remember, you head it hear first. 

Jesus in the time of Facebook

I'm with Coco (and #teamconan)

This doesn't look good...

I'm not a geologist or seismologist or really any sort of -ologist. I'm just good at getting worried. But it seems to me that's two 6.5+ quakes on adjacent fault lines here in the North American region within two days, add-in two minor quakes in the bay area the two days before.

Anyone else worried the plates haven't completely settled yet?

Look at this fucking movie connection.

   
Click here to download:
Look_at_this_fucking_movie_con.zip (150 KB)

Why Apple is stealing the show by not showing up.

It's CES again. Fuckin' CES. The week where your RSS reader struggles to keep up with the new posts from the tech blogs, and Twitter is a-tweet with bloated, drunk reporters blabbing about the new amazing thing they just saw in a secret hallway...off the center bar...at the Hard Rock.

For those who, like myself, have an occupational tie to new technology, this is unfortunately a debacle you have to look at. It's like a train wreck, except the reason you can't look away isn't morbid curiosity, but the fact that your job is to clean up train wrecks. So I've been keeping a pretty solid eye on my RSS feeds for the last few days.

What have I seen so far? Other than the fact that every new display is going to be in headache-inducing 3D for the next couple of years until people realize that it's stupid, mostly a lot of banter about how Palm/HP/Microsoft/Everyone is trying to, and may, "steal Apple's moment" with a surprise product reveal this week in Vegas.

This "moment," for those under a rock, is the expected worldwide debut of an Apple tablet device at a scheduled press conference on the 27th of this month. With all of the rumors of this reveal buzzing around the interwebs, every half-assed tech blogger that got wind of another company showing a flat slate device this week at CES decided to speculate the move was an effort to undermine Apple and steal their thunder by beating them to the punch.

This is absolutely silly. Apple is the one bending everyone else over. Let's look at the facts:

First, Google and the Nexus One. The blogosphere (as well as open-source hawks on Digg and Reddit) had practically elevated this thing beyond sliced bread before it actually hit the stage. And when it did, what a thud. Hey, look! It's the first real competitor to the iPhone! Just three years late. No IP telephony. No radical new model for sales. Just another T-Mobile Droid built by HTC. Move along, please.

Then, after piles of rumors that Microsoft was looking to upstage the Cupertino Gestapo by revealing the vapor-ware Courier tablet, what we got was a completely underwhelming HP-built touchscreen Netbook. Courier, according to several MS spokespeople is a long way off. Every single report of this pressie that I have read has called it, at best, "underwhelming." Or forgettable. Or lame. 

Then Dell! Oh my God, Dell has a slate! And.... it's a big iPod touch. Then Palm! You get the picture.

While all of these guys are getting two days of hot laps around the blogs with a flash in the pan rumor that turns out to be a complete dud, Apple is chilling. They're sitting at home, having a beer, watching you kids, and laughing. They don't need to be at CES, because they're elitist bastards that think they've eclipsed CES. They are consumer electronics in their minds, and they don't need your show—they'll have their own in a couple of weeks.

And undoubtedly, what Apple shows us is going to be fucking amazing. It's going to make the Kindle look like old news and it will make Microsoft's slate look like something found on an archeological dig. Yes, it will also be overpriced, closed platform, and riddled with other stupid proprietary shit. But it's going to be beautiful. It will actually look like the future.

Everyone will forget everything they saw at CES. All the rumors will turn to dust. No one will even remember what the hell that HP thing Microsoft showed was, nor care to see it again. And after all the money, martinis, months of preparation, nervous hung-over presentations, hookers and blow of CES are spent, and their toll taken, it will all amount to nothing.

Apple is stealing your show, boys. Make no mistake.

This is awesome.

Food carts are so passé. It's time for Food Cars. This modified Scion xD by MV Designs converts into a mobile grilling machine, complete with sink, mini fridge, and trays for spices and tools. Park that shit in Dolores Park and you're good to go.

All it needs is hydraulics.

     
Click here to download:
This_is_awesome..zip (170 KB)